


Not Okay

by Winncerely_me



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, Tags Are Hard, Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2018-11-30 14:40:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11465712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winncerely_me/pseuds/Winncerely_me
Summary: "What's up? Dude, are you crying? And limping and…Oh My God, you're bleeding! What the hell happened?"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First (published) story! Hope you like it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY. THIS CHAPTER WAS RANDOMLY DELETED SO I HAD TO REPOST IT.

"Connor! St-stop!"

A glass smashed against the wall inches from Evan's head. 

"FUCK!" Connor was screaming his head off. 

He and Evan had started living together during their third year of college. Evan was used to Connor's mood swings, but this was the worst he had ever seen him. 

"C-c-connor p-please!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" He threw a chair that just barely missed Evan. 

Evan ran into their bedroom to try and escape the projectiles. He went to shut the door to keep Connor out. He had to get help. He could call Zoe maybe? No. She might make him angrier. Evan wouldn't be lying if he said that his first thought had been animal control. But just as the door was about to click into the door frame, a force slammed against the other side, knocking Evan back a few feet. 

"Con-n-nor, you need t-to calm down."

"YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"

Before Evan could react Connor had him against the wall cowering in fear. 

"C-con, please." Evan saw Connor raise his hand a bone his head. He shrunk back and braced himself for the pain.   
___________________________________________________

Evan pushed the door open carefully, trying not to aggravate his injuries. He looked around at the quiet, empty house. The familiar setting brought him comfort. He had lived here with Jared from the beginning of freshman year all the way up until he moved in with Connor. 

"Hello?" He hears a muffled voice call. 

Evan tried to respond but couldn't find his voice. He had lost it screaming 

"Are you a burglar?" Jared called once again. 

What do you think, dumbass?

All of a sudden Jared came running from around the corner, making ninja sounds, holding a rolling pin.

"Evan? Hey."

"H-hi, Jared."

"What's up? Dude, are you crying?" Jared chuckled, but his facial expressions grew more worried as he went on. "And limping and…Oh My God, you're bleeding! What the hell happened?"

"I-I-I d-don't wanna talk ab-about it." Evan made a beeline for the bathroom, but Jared followed close behind. 

"Evan wait! Evan!" Jared grabbed ahold of his shoulders and forced him to meet his eyes, but he was still looking down. "You…you didn't…try again, did you?"

Evan was briefly confused before he understood what Jared meant. 

"No no no no no no no, noth-nothing like that! Jared, I p-promise you I would never do that again." But I've thought about it. 

"Okay, good." Jared sighed with relief. "So what did happen?"

"I-" Evan froze. Should I tell Jared? "I, um, so I, uh…and-and then Connor…-"

"Woah, woah, woah, what about Connor?" Evan looked down, fidgeting with his hands. "Evan. Did Connor do this to you?" Evan didn't answer, but he looked up at Jared before collapsing. 

Jared caught him before he hit the ground. "Oh My God. I'm calling the police." He lead Evan to the bathroom and helped him sit on the floor, leaning up against the wall. 

"J-jared d-d-don't! It's n-n-not his f-fault! You kn-know he has issues."

"Fine. But you're not going back there. You're staying here tonight."

"Ok-k-kay."

Jared helped Evan clean himself up. He wiped away the blood from Evan's nose and various cuts. There wasn't much he could do for the bruises all over his body, but he did bring him an ice pack for the huge one rapidly forming around his right eye. Then he got on the floor to take a closer look at Evan's ankle. It was swollen to the size of a softball. Jared gently tried to move it. 

"OW!" Evan cried with pain, causing Jared to wince. 

"Sorry. How did this happen?"

"Af-after-" Evan still had tears streaming down his face. 

Jared brought over a box of tissues so Evan could dry his tears. 

"Th-thanks. So, um, after he h-hit me I tried to ru-I tried running away b-but he pushed over a dresser and it pinned my leg to the ground and I f-fell." There was a pause. "Is it broken?"

"No, I don't think it's broken. It's probably just a bad sprain. Come on, let's get you to the couch."

"W-why not my old room?"

"The couch is a lot closer to the bathroom and the kitchen." 

Jared carried most of Evan's weight to the living room and helped him lay down on the couch. 

"Plus," Jared added, "It's closer to my room if you need anything." He brought Evan an extra blanket and pillow and a glass of water. 

He was about to ask Evan if he needed anything else, but when he turned to look at his friend he was already asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was pleasantly surprised by all of the positive comments! Here's chapter 2. I hope you like it.

The next morning Evan woke up feeling worse than the night before. Now that it had been several hours, his bruises were really starting to hurt. He couldn't move without feeling some sort of pain. 

He managed to sit up and stretch a little. His bones crackling and crunching loudly. He tried standing up and was harshly reminded of his sprained ankle. He thanked God that the couch was there or else he would have fallen on his ass. 

His head snapped up when he heard the door open. "Evan! Get your ass off the couch! I come baring gifts of food!"

Evan's face lit up. He hadn't eaten since lunch the day before. Jared walked past Evan and into the kitchen. "Oh, good, you're awake." He set armfuls of grocery bags down on the table. "I've got Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Toaster Strudels, ice cream, frozen pizza, and a giant ass bag of skittles!"

"Did you rob a convenience store?" Evan laughed. 

"No, but I did take twenty bucks out of your wallet. Oh!" Jared said, opening a box of PopTarts and shoving one in his face. "I also got-'

"Jared, slow down. All of that food sounds delicious and quite possibly dangerous, but I can't get up." Evan pointed to his ankle. 

"Oh. I stopped at Walgreens and got you one of those ankle brace thingys." Jared threw the Walgreens bag at Evan, followed by the box of cereal."

"Thanks. And am I supposed to eat this with my hands?" Evan started putting the brace on while looking at the cereal skeptically. 

"Bowls are for pussies!"

"B-but what about milk?"

Jared paused "Touchè."  
___________________________________________________

Later, after the first round of binge eating, Jared was looking for something to watch on TV when he heard a scream followed by a crash. 

"Evan!"

He ran towards the sound and soon came upon an Evan lying on the floor. 

"Why are you on the floor?"

"I-I was going to th-the bathroom and I t-tripped."

"Come on." Jared helped him up and to the. Bathroom. When Evan was finished he let Jared help him back to the couch. 

"Thanks."

"No prob. I just can't believe that douche would do this to you." 

Evan looked down. "I can."

"What?"

"No, it's just, well…may-maybe I deserved it?"

"Shut your fucking face."

"S-sorry."

"Normally I would find your constant apologizing annoying but you should be sorry. For thinking that you deserve to be treated like that!"

"B-but maybe I do! I mean I'm a mess! Admit it! Even you must be tired of dealing with me!"

"I will never get tired of you. "

"And my p-poor mom! She must be so thankful that I moved out!"

Jared looked Evan in the eyes. "Look, Evan. Your anxiety may not be the most ideal situation, but that doesn't mean people hate you because of it. It's not your fault! You didn't choose to be like this! And for the record your mom probably misses the hell out of you."

"Wha-what about my dad, huh? He couldn't even put up with me for seven freaking years." Evan wiped at the tears threatening to fall. 

"Yeah well he's a dick so…fuck'em."

Evan chuckled a little but was still upset. Jared ignored it. 

"Now. We are gonna eat this junk food! Get diabetes! And watch your weird tree show, dammit! And you're gonna like it!"  
___________________________________________________

Jared didn't remember falling asleep on the couch with Evan's head on his shoulder. 

He didn't remembering falling back asleep after noticing that detail, only to wake up again to see no sign of Evan. 

"Ev?"

He got up to investigate. It was around six in the morning so the house was dark, but the bathroom light was on. 

"Evan?" He peered inside and his heart sank when he saw Evan huddled on the cold tile floor. 

"Hey, hey. What happened?"

No response. Evan was shaking, a sheen of sweat on his forehead. There were tears streaming down his face. He was also hyperventilating. Shit he's having a panic attack. 

"Evan?" Jared knelt down and gently placed a hand on Evan's knee. Evan flinched violently. 

Jared instinctively pulled his hand away before putting it back. "Evan. It's me, Jared. I'm not gonna hurt you."

Jared quietly slid down the wall and sat next to Evan until he got his breathing under control. Once he did, he let his head fall on Jared's shoulder as he continued to cry.

The silence was broken by a knock on the front door which caused Evan to tense up. 

"Ignore it. Whoever it is can wait."

Evan continued to cry into Jared's shoulder. Jared rubbed soothing circles on Evan's back, not caring that the right side of his body was soaking wet with Evan tears. And then they heard knocking again. Neither of them said a word, relishing the peaceful silence.

And then the knocks came one more time, louder. 

"Thats it!" Jared stood up, heading for the door. He opened it, almost ripping it off its hinges. 

"What do you wan-"

He froze. 

"Connor."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go! Also if anyone has any prompts, ideas, or requests for more stories feel free to leave them in the comments.


	3. Chapter 3

"Connor."

"Kleinman."

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

"I came to see Evan."

"Yeah. Well, he doesn't want to talk to you."

"Jared. Let me in."

"Nope."

Connor moved to try and get in, but Jared moved the same way, blocking him. 

"Get the fuck out of my way!"

"Make me." Jared tried to look scary. 

Connor tried, violently, to push past Jared, but there was no way that fuckwad was getting near Evan. 

That's when Connor got decked in the face. 

"WHAT THE FUCK."

"Next time I'm calling the cops."

Jared slammed the door in his face.  
___________________________________________________

When Jared went back inside, Evan was  
coming out of the bathroom. 

"W-what just happened?"

"Oh nothing. I was just taking care of an unwanted guest." Jared went to the kitchen to wash Connor's blood off of his hand.

"Is that b-blood?!"

"Maybe."

"Oh my god. You killed him didn't you? Connor's dead body is in the closet isn't it? You're gonna get arrested and soamIcauseI'manaccomplice…" Evan started panicking. 

"Geez, Ev, calm your tits. All I did was punch him in the face."

"Oh…well, that's…You d-didn't have t-to do that…"

"Eeehhhhhhh. He deserved it. And I enjoyed it ever so much!"

"Jared. What do I do………a-about Connor?"

"I could kick him in the balls next time if you want."

"Jared! I'm serious." Evan was getting anxious again. 

"Okay, okay. Calm down." Jared thought for a moment. "Well, for starters, you can't go back there."

"But, Jar-"

"No!" Jared yelled. "Evan, no. He could hurt you again."

"But I can't j-just ignore him f-forever."  
___________________________________________________

The knocks sounded for the second time that day. 

"Well hello there, Fuckface! It's nice to see you again!" Jared laughed. 

Connor stared at Jared humorlessly. 

"Did you come to have your other eye blackened?"

"Listen, Kleinman. If you don't-"

"J-jared," Evan spoke up from inside. "Let me talk to him."

"Fine." Jared moved to let Evan into the doorway, but he stopped to look at Connor. "You lay a hand on him and I really will call the police." He went inside, leaving them alone. 

"Hey…" Connor broke the awkward silence. 

"Hi." Evan said a little too quickly and way too loudly. "I-l mean…"

"Evan, I'm really sorry."

Evan didn't say anything. 

"Look, um…I-I know what I did sucked, and I just wanted you to know I…I'm sorry." He turned and began to leave. 

"C-Connor! Wait."

Connor looked back at Evan. 

"I-it's okay."

"Evan. It's not okay. Nothing about what happened is okay!" Connor argued. 

"No, um, th-that's not what I-I…I just mean, uh, I forgive you."

"You do?" Connor was shocked. 

"Of-of course." Evan said. "I l-love you."

"I love you too, Ev."

Evan slowly but firmly hugged Connor.

After a few minutes they broke apart. "B-but I'm not c-coming back…"

"…W-what?" 

"It's just, I…I'm gonna stay here, with Jared, for a little while. And, um, I think maybe we sh-should takeabreakforalittlewhile." Evan shut his eyes tightly, afraid of what Connor might do. 

"Okay."

He opened them. "Wait, w-what?"

"Okay. We can take a break. Evan, I'm not mad. I have no right to mad. I'm just glad that you're even talking to me." Connor was dealing with the whole situation surprisingly well. 

"F-friends?" Evan asked. 

"Friends."  
___________________________________________________

"EVAN!"

He gently shut the door, after saying goodbye to Connor. 

"Evan!" Jared yelled again from the kitchen. "What do you want for dinner? Hot pockets or Ramen?!"

"B-both?"

There was a pause as Evan headed to the kitchen. 

"I like the way you think, Hansen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me SO LONG to update, but, ya know…life happened. I hope it was worth the wait.

**Author's Note:**

> How was it? Your thoughts would be much appreciated in the form of a comment. <3


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